Refine Me

Comfort Zone. Such a lovely, warm sounding word, isn’t it?

Tomorrow, I will be off to Naga City, Camarines Sur for the 14th Youth for Christ International Leader’s Conference (YFC-ILC), which is usually the cause of all my excitement every summer. Last year’s Davao trip was the talk of town, but right now, I don’t really feel excited. Why?

• Last year, I was with my YFC-DLSU family. I know everyone who went to the ILC. This year, I am back to my original sector, East A, but I have no idea who I’ll be with. It’s been years since I last joined East A for any activity, and I have no idea who will be there.
• Last year, I stayed in a comfortable dorm with airconditioning and real beds — a TV too!
  This year, I will be staying in the venue. By venue, I mean in Naga Central School. I don’t mind sleeping in that kind of place, although I would miss not having to bring a sleeping bag because I don’t need it.
• Last year, we had comfortable bathrooms, with shower, even.
  This year, I have no idea what our bathrooms would be. :-o Okay, I’ve experienced the sako bathrooms¹ before, but it’s been three years since I last used one. Well, I’m kind of used to it sort of, although I can’t help but pray for really comfortable bathrooms, you know?

Not only that but little petty and not-so-petty things come up inside my head: Isn’t it better to stay at home so you could finish all the issues at work and accompany your mom during the weekend, especially now that she’s frequently depressed? Shouldn’t you be working on your portfolio? You’re already in SFC, you should go to your activities, not in YFC! Your leave is only until Friday, you’ll be tired by Monday and you won’t be able to go to work…isn’t it better if you just blow the next two days off and then go to work on Monday — that would be another vacation! And probably the funniest, but for some reason it’s becoming a big deal: You won’t be able to watch Pinoy Big Brother for three days! It’s eviction night this Saturday!!!

I can’t believe I’m actually thinking of those things, and if I hadn’t given my word (and my money for the registration fee) that I will attend, I would’ve backed out already.

I’ve felt this before, before I headed out to SHOUT², and sometimes even during some of my smaller meetings. Even if I suddenly feel like backing out, I still go and everything turns out okay.

I guess the thing that’s really getting to me now is the fact that this is really waaaay out of my comfort zone. As in WAY. Last year’s ILC was anything but uncomfortable. I was secure with the people I am with, we had transpo, we had accomodations, we had nice bathrooms…except for the fact that I had less than 8 hours of sleep for the entire event and I had a monthly visitor, it was more or less comfortable. This year, it’s just different.

This is probably the simplest example of how I am being driven to move out of my comfort zone. Which is what I’m really trying to do. Okay, maybe I’m not trying hard enough sometimes, but I know it is something that I have to do. And this may be just a small thing, but a comfort zone is still a comfort zone, and I must move away from it. Jump, take a leap of faith. That’s what life really is about, isn’t it?

So go away, spirit of laziness and whatever else is making me think these thoughts. I will go to Bicol. I will enjoy. The little things I listed are just minor things, and besides, I will not be going to Bicol to make myself comfortable but to be in the presence of God, who is the ultimate source of comfort.

Here’s to a fun, uncomfortable and God-filled weekend! I don’t know if I will be able to post tomorrow, but most likely I will be packing. I will do some last minute bonding with my mom tomorrow morning and then leave by lunchtime. Must remember to pack a small bag so it won’t be a hassle to bring around! This is the time I wish I had nice legs so I can wear shorts, but no. :P Haha!

If I don’t get to post, I’ll post by Monday, with pictures! Yes! And to all those who are going to iBlog3, have fun! I’ll join you guys next year. =)

Here’s to jumping out of my comfort zone. Praise God. :)

1. Makeshift bathrooms made out of wood frames and is covered by sack-like material. There’s a toilet bowl right in the middle and you have to flush it by pouring water on it. [«]
2. Summer House Training, a weeklong training for YFC leaders where we stay inside a house and have talks, activities, etc. In short, we have a “summer house” where we have our “training”. [«]