Skimming the Surface

Observation is a more powerful force than you could possibly reckon: the invisible, the overlooked, and the unobserved are those that are most in danger of reaching the end of the spectrum. They lose the last of their light. From there, anything can happen…Lives altered forever by you, by the simple effect of being present…by entering the light, by joining the dance.
- Mrs. Landing God, Joan of Arcadia (source: Television without Pity)

Can I just say that I’m sick of this layout already? I look forward to the upcoming Holy Week break to get working on a newer (and less pink) layout. Something that will last longer, yes?

The quote up there is from one of my favorite Joan of Arcadia episodes, the one where God told Joan to ask Ramsay the bully to the dance which put her life in danger but saved a lot more people even if it meant Ramsay had to go to jail. Joan thought she failed, but God told her otherwise, saying that she did exactly what He wanted her to do: to be present. To observe. To see things and notice the unnoticed. In this episode, viewers are taught how valuable our presence is.

Something hit me last Friday, hence the semi-emotional cryptic entry.¹ Yes, it’s about work and it basically made me want to get out of here — and I mean ASAP. What I mean with “here,” well, it’s for me to know and for you to find out. Ask me, I might just tell. Might. :p

(More…)

1. Which wasn’t so cryptic according to some of my friends [«]

Cryptic Entry # 3: I want out

This is one of the times where I want to kick and scream and cry and just yell, “I give up! I don’t care about this anymore; I don’t want to do this anymore! I WANT OUT!”

But you know what? I can’t. Because I’m not that kind of person.

Although I wish I am that kind of person. I wish I can say that without caring about who I might be letting down, or what I may be forgetting.

Sometimes, Lately, this particular period of my life gets to me so bad, that all I want to do is quit. Look for another place to be in. Run back into my comfort zone. Be anywhere but here.

Everyone’s leaving. One by one. I’m doing things that I never expected to be doing (and studied for) — and I’m not saying that in a good note. I’m not supposed to be doing this.  I don’t want to do it anymore. I don’t deserve this.

I’m feeling the edges of desperation, like I want to go away first before anything else happens. Not that anything would happen to me…I hope. Plainly speaking, I want to ditch this joint before I get caught in too deep with anything I don’t want to.

I. Want. Out.

Am I being too whiny for you?

Someone get me out of here.

The Great Adventure

I wanted to post yesterday, but I didn’t have the time. I was up and at ‘em all day for the party at home last night. I am now enjoying the foot soak (with tea and baking soda - yeeees) because my feet ache so much from all the activity last night. :)

I was also supposed to make a pre-posted post but I totally spaced last Friday because I was out early and I had so many things to do that afternoon that I didn’t get to go online. Haha. What busy two days it was.

But yes, I’m twenty-one. The big 2-1 with all its legal hullabaloos and all. It doesn’t feel any different, except maybe that I’m planning to take my life more seriously. Or not. Haha. As what Ate Des told me the other night, I shouldn’t worry about not finding my purpose yet, because she’s already 29 and still searching. :P

But there’s something monumental at turning 21. Besides the fact that I could get into jail in all countries¹, being 21 feels like entering another stage in life. Age is just a number, and I can still act like a brat I’m a kid if I want to, but I think it’s time to grow up you know?

Ever since graduation, I was apprehensive about growing up. The thing I like most about being in school is because I know what’s expected of me. But once I was out of school, I’m suddenly, What now? I know I’ve talked about this for so many times already, but don’t you think it’s such a fascinating thing to talk about?

Not.

Yes, growing up is a big rollercoaster ride, and sometimes I really want out, but I can’t. Who can go out of the middle of a rollercoaster ride anyway? Unless you want to say an early goodbye to life.

So, from hereon, I shall allow myself to be engaged in what I’d like to call as The Great Adventure². No more complaining, no more looking at other people who “have it” better. Less whining, more praying. This life is the great adventure, an I think it’s but time to live and participate in it. :D

This year, I want one thing: to please God and no one else. That should be enough. :)

Here’s to my 21st year in this world. This is my Great Adventure. :)

Great Adventure
Steven Curtis Chapman
The Great Adventure

Started out this morning in the usual way
Chasing thoughts inside my head of all I had to do today
Another time around the circle try to make it better than the last
I opened up the Bible and I read about me
Said I’d been a prisoner and God’s grace had set me free
And somewhere between the pages it hit me like a lightning bolt
I saw a big frontier in front of me and I heard somebody say “Let’s go”!

Saddle up your horses we’ve got a trail to blaze
Through the wild blue yonder of God’s amazing grace
Let’s follow our leader into the glorious unknown
This is a life like no other - this is The Great Adventure

Come on get ready for the ride of your life
Gonna leave long faced religion in a cloud of dust behind
And discover all the new horizons just waiting to be explored
This is what we were created for

We’ll travel over, over mountains so high
We’ll go through valleys below
Still through it all we’ll find that
This is the greatest journey that the human heart will ever see
The love of God will take us far beyond our wildest dreams

Yeah… oh saddle up your horses… come on get ready to ride

1. My friend’s favorite comment whenever someone turns 21 [«]
2. Many thanks to Steven Curtis Chapman for this term [«]

The 21st Birthday Wish List

[Updated: March 11, 2007, 7:30pm]
[Updated: March 12, 2007, 1:57pm]
[Updated: March 15, 2007, 10:00pm]

Jomar asked me to do something about this list to ensure that I don’t get two (or three or four or five) of the same gift if ever the people actually read this to give me a gift. Harhar. Anyway, so now I’m doing something about it now. I turned off my comments notification, and so now if you actually fell for my parinig bought me a gift from this wishlist, post a comment (anonymously) just to let everyone else who might want to buy something from my list know that that item has been bought.¹ Got it?

I feel weird asking, but hey, like I said, indulge me. :P I only turn 21 once. :)

As of date, there are only 8 days to go 6 days to go 5 days 2 days to go before I turn the big two-one. And because of that, I’m going to be thick skinned and tell everyone who reads my blog what I want for my 21st birthday. :P Materialism at its finest, but I claim my right to be a brat for my birthday it’s fun to post wishlists like this in case someone decides to get them for me. Harhar. :P

• Any Anberlin album (Blueprints for the Black Market, Never Take Friendship Personal, Cities [Special Edition]). Original CD, please. :)
• Eragon and Eldest by Christopher Paolini (paperback, please)
• Flashbang: How I Got Over Myself by Mark Steele (paperback too) - Thanks Papa! ♥
• Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality by Donald Miller (yes, paperback)
• The Chronicles of Narnia Boxed Set by CS Lewis (even if it’s the smallest print of the book, I’d like that, as long as its complete. Paperback!)
• Noli Me Tangere (Touch Me Not) by Jose Rizal, translated by Harold Augenbraum (Penguin Classics Paperback)
• The Princess Bride: S Morgenstern’s Classic Tale of True Love and High Adventure by William Goldman (paperback) - Thanks Papa! ♥
• a reservation for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows at Powerbooks or National Bookstore
• [new in the list!] Lost in NashVegas by Rachel Hauck
• [new in the list!] The Cubicle Next Door by Siri L. Mitchell²
• A Catholic Bible, NASB translation
• Cars Original DVD
• new white shoes - flats, size 6-7. :p
• 1 piece 0.5 Pilot gTec pen…
• …or 2 0.5 Pilot gTec pen refill
• Staedtler Triplus Fineliner colored pen set — the one with 20 colors.
• Faber Castell 24-color Colored Pencil
• blank unlined notebooks/journals
• a sunflower
• anything with stars
• A new laptop with the following specs: Intel Centrino or Intel Core Duo, at least 80GB HDD, at least 512MB DDR memory (expandable), at least 32MB separate video card (not shared with memory), DVD+RW, WiFi ready, good speakers and is small enough to bring around. :P³
• Additional memory for my laptop (if the previous one on the list isn’t available).
• at least 80GB external HDD. Don’t worry about enclosure, I already have one waiting here. If you would buy me an laptop HDD with enclosure, then why not? ;)
• Lapdesk
• my new phone.⁴
• A bookshelf
• Of course: the Oh-my-gosh-I-can’t-believe-you-went-through-all-this birthday surprise
• world peace :p

Will be edited until that day comes. :p Again, indulge me. ;)

1. Haha, ang kapal ko rin ano. [«]
2. Thanks to Tue for pointing me to this book :p [«]
3. from my 2006 Christmas wishlist [«]
4. Smart, can you please give me my phone already? Please??? [«]

Cryptic Entry # 2: Why?

Hello, Lord. You seem so silent, yet You speak so much.

But what are You saying now?

My [daughter], when you come to serve the Lord, prepare yourself for trials. Be sincere of heart and steadfast, undisturbed in time of adversity. Cling to Him, forsake Him not; thus your future will be great. Accept whatever befalls you, in crushing misfortune be patient; for in fire gold is tested, and worthy men in crucible of humiliation. Trust God and He will help you; make straight your ways and hope in Him…study the generations long past and understand, has anyone hoped in the Lord and been disappointed?
- Sirach 2:1-11 (February 21, 2007)

I did the first thing You want me to do…and got a result that I didn’t really like. But I choose to trust You. Now what do You want?

If our hopes seem to be experiencing disappointment righht now, it simply means that they are being purified. Every hope or dream of the human mind will be fulfilled if it is noble and it is of God. But one of the greatest stresses of life is the stress of waiting for God. He brings fulfillment, ‘because you have kept my commandment to persevere.’ (Revelation 3:10)
- Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (February 22, 2007)

Why me? Why not me? Why am I here? Why am I not here? Why am I doing this? Why am I not doing this?

I wait because it’s the only thing I could do. I’m still waiting. How long must I wait, Lord?

Let God send you through His storm and don’t go until He does. If you select your own spot to be planted, you will prove yourself to be an unproductive, empty pod. However, if you allow God to plant you, you will “bear much fruit.” (John 15:8)
- Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (March 11, 2007)

Why does this have to mean so many things? Why can’t it mean only one thing so I won’t have to wonder if I did the right thing or not?

Why is it so hard to wait? Why is it so hard to believe?

Am I too wise to recognize that everything uncertain is certainly a possibility? Help me believe because I don’t want to miss any miracle…Could You, would You show Yourself to me…?