Changed and Changes

I just finished baking my New Year’s cake, a Chocolate Chip Sour Cream Cake (will post about this once I know how it tastes — crossing my fingers now!), and earlier, I just cooked another batch of Chocolate Revel Bars, so now I feel like I’m so full of flour and sugar. How’s about that for spending the last year of 2007?

The other day I met up with Diana, an old elementary schoolmate who moved to Canada back in high school. It was supposed to be a reunion of sorts, but as usual, as with my “gimmick jinx”, no one else made it. Except for Happy, who I was with during the afternoon after a failed movie thing (Pfft, goodbye P140 because of Enteng Kabisote 4!), and we ended up eating, walking around Eastwood, listening to Regine Velasquez sing and sitting in Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf until my brother arrived.

It was a nice day, actually, even if I was hoping for a bigger crowd. It was nice talking to old friends and current friends and having everyone get along. During the course of the night (and after), however, I got thinking with something Diana said: “You haven’t changed.”

No, it wasn’t said in a deregatory way. What she meant was, I haven’t change since the last time we saw each other…which was six years ago. I find comfort in the fact that I am still the same person I was (okay, a bit more mature than before), but as for other things…I guess I am still the same. As we were accompanying Happy while she shopped, I realized that the way I look is more or less the same as the way I used to look, way back in high school (sans the braces, of course), and the way I dress is still the same way I used to dress. My hair is still wavy, I did not grow taller, and I guess I am fatter than I was before. If we used to know each other and then we lost contact and we saw each other again, you won’t have any trouble recognizing me because I look the same.

Not that it’s not bad. I am comfortable with the way I look, and I like myself (but yes, I could lose a few pounds and all). But everyone I know and used to know, everyone around me has changed even some bit as they went through some defining moments in their lives. While I…was still stuck wherever I am.

Like I said, it’s not bad. But maybe it’s time I do something to change myself, you know? Physically. I won’t be doing it for other people, not to attract guys or because I feel insecure with anyone, but because I want to do it for myself. You know, do something new with the way I look. Get my hair straightened again, finally lose some weight, get out of the shirt+jeans+sneakers outfit. Maybe even wear a bit of make-up (gasp!). Be a girl, for a change, you know? There’s nothing wrong with that, right?

So God help me, I will try to be more…er, fashionable this year. I will start fitting clothes I never thought I’d fit before, start exercising seriously (so I won’t have to wear a corsets when I wear some…fit clothes), and start paying a bit of attention with the way I look…even just a bit. And yes, shopping! I told myself that starting next year, I’ll be buying myself a top/pants/skirt/shoes every month next year, and I must buy myself a dress by my birthday. I know I’m not the kind of girl who turns heads with her beauty, but that does not mean I can’t be presentable, right? ;) As with what I said a few days back, 2008 is the year of Big, Fun and Scary Stuff, the year where I try new things for myself. And this is new. So…bring it on!

Less than six hours before we say goodbye to 2007! Have a safe New Year’s Eve, everyone! :) See you on 2008!

Last Working Day

And before you say anything about my title, no, I don’t mean my last working day ever here. What I mean is, it’s the last working day for 2007! For us, at least.

Ah, what was I doing last year? I was worried and all about the upcoming year, and it’s mostly because of work. Hah. I’m that neurotic. Well, I’m still a bit neurotic in that sense, but I am definitely doing so much better this year than last year. :)

This week has been package week for me at work. My gift for Grace arrived yesterday, as well as a late birthday gift to Happy from me and Tuesday, and earlier today, I got my Moleskine Asia order, which contains my 2008 planner, 2 blank notebooks that I plan to use somewhere (journals, yay!), and my gifts to Tuesday and Bea. I was so giddy when I received my packages — even if I spent on all of them — just because. I miss receiving letters from snail mail. The only letters I received for the past year were bills. Hah. I now know the feeling.

Maybe next year I can invest in snail mail stuff. Hmmm.

Anyway, a bit earlier today, while fixing my stuff, I was holding my new planner and the Moleskine I won a few months ago, when I was hit by my OC-ness. I tore the two pages I have written in in the said notebook, then opened one of the plain Moleskines I ordered and told myself this would be my journal for 2008. Why change from the other even if they’re both Moleskines? Can’t tell, I was sworn to secrecy. :D But anyway, I’m now using this other plain pocket Moleskine…So now I have two identical-looking notebooks all ready for 2008.

Suddenly I’m excited. :) I remember last year I was so apprehensive at the incoming year; this year, I’m psyched. I’ve always made predictions at the start of every year since 2004. Not the fortune-telling kind, but the a general feeling of how the year will go. Like, 2004 was the year of “many happenings” and 2005 was the quiet year, and 2006 was the year of promises and 2007 was the difficult year. What about 2008?

I think 2008 will be…different. I believe it will be definitely better than 2007. In what ways, only God knows. If 2007 was the year of Great Adventures, I think 2008 will be the year of Big, Fun and Scary Stuff (thanks to the NaNoWriMo people for this term :) ). Come to think of it, I think that term is very similar to Great Adventure. ^^;

But yes…2008 is going to be the year for it. :) The year of Big, Fun and Scary Stuff. I don’t know what 2008 holds, but I’ve got several things to put in my list of Big, Fun and Scary Stuff to conquer this year. :) Like, lose weight (seriously), drive (seriously), bake something new other then my revel bars (and maybe get myself an Ove glove to prevent burns), and go to Sydney. :D Woooh. And that’s just the start! Exciting!

What about you? What do you think 2008 holds for you? :)

Best Posts of 2007

And Christmas is now over, it’s just five more days until 2007 comes to a close. As with a lot of bloggers around the Net right now, I’ll also be making a list of my own best posts of 2007. Vain much, I know. :P By best, I mean those that contain a lot of meat in them, the ones that gives fond (or sometimes not) memories. Let’s see if I can remember what some cryptic entries meant. ;)

Warning: this is an insanely long entry.

January

• Never Take Friendship Personal (January 15, 2007) - this post was an angry post. I was annoyed at some people from my previous work who I thought were my friends, but then they stopped including me in their breakfast/lunch plans…in fact, they stopped talking to me altogether, and I had no idea why. Things loosened up around March when one of them was resigning. It hurt a lot.
• Passions (January 18, 2007) - this post is the start of my doubting if I was in the right job. Note that I was only four months into the job then. I wondered about quitting, and the entire thought of loving your job.
• On Crushes (January 26, 2007) - Just because this entry is so…hee! Boys are brothers, not prospects!
• Parteeh Hangover (January 28, 2007) - Because this is the most link-loving post I’ve ever done. :)

February

• MUfHH: Are you ready to be offered? (February 6, 2007) - One of my early meaty reflections, about trusting God and letting go. Reading this reminds me of how deep Oswald Chambers’ reflections can be. And how deep I can reflect.
• For My Love (February 14, 2007) - My “mandatory” Valentine’s post. I love how positive this sounded. :D Haha.

March

• Hurt (March 4, 2007) - Reading this entry still gives me an ache in the heart. :( Written after totally eventful night which I really do not want to happen again.
• Cryptic Entry # 2: Why? (March 13, 2007) - Ah, I guess I can divulge the reason for this one. :) I wrote this after hearing from a friend that my low exam results in the pre-employment exam in the company where I currently work now did not make me qualify for the next step. How sad. But look where I am now. :)
• The Great Adventure (March 18, 2007) - The obligatory (post-)birthday post, where I psych myself up for my 21st year.
• Cryptic Entry # 3: I Want Out (March 23, 2007) - This is where I cracked from all the dislike I had for my previous job, because it seemed like people could not bear to give even the smallest of encouragement to their colleagues. Hay.
• Skimming the Surface (March 29, 2007) - This is where I elaborated on why I wanted out. I just re-read the entry and was surprised at how emotional, broken and angry it sounded. Wow.

Other notable entries here are the “What happened when I was ___” in preparation for the birthday. :)

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Celebrate the Day

In connection to yesterday’s post…here’s another song that I shall leave you guys with as Christmas Eve turns into Christmas Day. :) Much thanks to Gab for recommending this song (as I have it in Triskal for the longest time but never really took the time to listen to it)! :)

I Celebrate the Day
Relient K

With this Christmas wish is missed
The point I could convey
If only I could find the words to say to let You know
How much You’ve touched my life because
Here is where You’re finding me
In the exact same place as New Year’s Eve
And from the lack of my persistency
We’re less than half as close as I wanna be

And the first time that You opened Your eyes
Did you realize that You would be my Savior
And the first breath that left Your lips
Did you know that it would change this world forever
And the first time that You opened your eyes
Did you realize that You would be my Savior
And the first breath that left Your lips
Did You know that it would change this world forever

And so this Christmas I’ll compare
The things I’ve felt in prior years
To what this midnight made so clear
That You have come to meet me here

To look back
And think that
This baby would one day save me
And the hope that
That You give
That You were born so I might really live
To look back
And think that
This baby would one day save me…

And I
I celebrate the day
That You were born to die
So I could one day
Pray for You to save my life
Pray for You to save my life
Pray for You to save my life

Happy birthday, dear Jesus! ♥ Merry Christmas to everyone! Have a blessed time with your loved ones. :)

A Christmas Tale

A year ago, my friend Chris sent me a Christmas email with a challenge, and we had a pretty interesting conversation about it. Then I told him I’d blog about it that year, but I never did, so here’s the one year overdue entry about what we talked about.

Interestingly, when we talk about the Christmas story, it usually ends with Jesus lying down on the manger, with the shepherds visiting him and then followed by the three wise men. After that, the Christmas story is “finished”, and we hardly even talk about why He came. What’s the real reason why He was born that night, to those parents, on that place? Why the angels sang and why the shepherds came and why the three wise men came to visit and bring him gifts. Yes, sure, they did all that because Jesus is God’s son, but again, why did Jesus come down here in the first place?

The answers to those questions do not really come until the Lenten season, where the real reason of God becoming man becomes clear (supposedly). It’s nice to remember those things during Easter, yes, and I remember saying that Easter is where the juicier story really is. Because that’s where the entire salvation history is shown, where God’s forgiveness can be really seen, and His power is demonstrated in its fullness.

Then I remember my usual greeting every Christmas: may we always remember the reason for the season. Yes, Jesus is the reason for the season, but why? What is so special about it, besides Him being the son of God? What is the real reason, anyway?

Chris’ email challenged me to remember that the story of Christmas does not end where we always end the story during Christmas. In fact, the Christmas story is just the start. Christmas is where God’s sacrifice started, by His sending His only son to a world laden with sin, to save the people who barely acknowledge Him. Unlike other people who are born to this earth to live, Jesus was born to die. For you. For me. For us.

Christmas is the start of His journey to save us, Jesus’ journey to the Cross. This where God gave us a concrete and human sign of His love. That is where the Christmas season gets its beauty, its magic.

This Christmas, let us remember and keep in our hearts the REAL reason for the season. :)

I leave you with a song that I finally made sense of during the email exchange with my friend. :) Enjoy and have a blessed Christmas Eve. :)

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