Mother and Daughter

We don’t always get along, and I remember we used to have shouting matches here at home over some petty thing. However, there are moments when I remember crying because I was afraid you’d get hurt, or crying because you feel bad about something. Whenever we argue, I always, always feel my worst. But you know what? We’re more similar than I thought we were. And you know what (again)? I don’t mind being like you. :)

I know I may not be the best daughter around, but I know that you always try to be the best mother you can be, and I really, really appreciate that. I may not show it as much, but believe me, I do. Thank you for being so forgiving, for always praying for us, for always putting our best interest at hand, and for loving us completely. I know that by the end of the day, you’ll be the one waiting for me to get home (and texting me relentlessly about where I am and all that).

I’m happy that you’re given another year to spend with us, and I pray that there will be many many more years to come. :) HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAMA! ♥ I love you! ♥ ♥ ♥

“Fall Like Rain” sneak peek # 4

And here we go again! :) Current wordcount: 40,025 out of 50,000 words. Yeah! 10k words to go! I’m dreaming of finishing it by tomorrow, but let’s see. :)

So here we go, a fourth excerpt. No editing whatsoever done, so there’s still a lot of tweaking to be done. Here we go, click on the link below. :)

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The Noisy List

Remember back in elementary, whenever the teacher goes out of class, or whenever there’s a spare period, he/she would always assign someone to take note of who are the noisy while the teacher was away? There’s nothing that could probably frighten an elementary student than seeing his name on the board under the big heading of NOISY (and, okay, sometimes STANDING too, because we’re not supposed to do some unnecessary standing while there’s no teacher…and who could forget Not In Proper Seat or NIPS? Memories!). In my experience there are several ways to avoid being listed:

1. When you are really good and do not make any noise/stand/go out of your seat;
2. Pass notes instead of talking;
3. Be a really good lip reader or learn sign languages;
4. Be really good friends with the person listing the names to ensure that he/she doesn’t list you (now you know where corruption starts, pfft); or
5. Be the person listing the names.

I remember that being the lister was the most coveted position in the class, even more than being class president (because in our school, the class president doesn’t always handle the discipline of the class). I remember praying that I was picked to be the person assigned for the day because I love being able to stand in front and watch each and every one of my classmates squirm under my gaze. Okay, that was bad. Seriously, I want to be the lister because it gives me an excuse not to list myself, you know? Not that I had a problem keeping my mouth shut if I wasn’t, but I never knew if a small whisper can be counted as “noisy” or not. You know? Sometime around Grade 5, I started becoming more responsible (Class Secretary, awarded Most Helpful and Most Responsible at least once during the school year) that the job came to me. I held that position until we were too old do that (of course, I almost got in trouble for being too talkative — my mom almost got called to school for disciplinary reasons during Grade 6 because I couldn’t control my mouth. My bad), and I guess in some way, I relished in the power it gave me. Somehow it made me feel that I was better than the others, that I am more trustworthy, that I am more responsible, that I hold their fate with the teacher in my hands.

Talk about power tripping.

But being in that position feels lonely too. If you decide to be really strict, your friends would get mad at you for doing so (this is considering the ages of the people who need someone to list is at the young age and wouldn’t really know better than not get angry at a friend who lists their names in front), and if you decide to spare your friends from the trouble, those you list would get mad at you for playing favorites.

So who wins in this situation? Do you? No. Sometimes, even if there’s so much power — more than anyone else that is — in that position, you’d rather be one of the students who stay in their seats in watch the lister in front warily. At least that way, you wouldn’t be harming anyone, right? You’d be responsible for your actions and not worry about how other people would react to what you do (except maybe for the teacher).

In connection. Sometimes we’re placed in positions we like, but is in a seemingly higher level than some other people who are also close to you. And sometimes, you can’t help but feel like those people who are close to you resent you for being in that position. You know? It’s not your fault your teacher placed you there, or you get assigned to that job or whatever, but still people resent you for being in that position. When you weren’t so busy with that job or assignment, you feel connected with them. But when things take you to hours occupied by things related to your job or assignment, you feel disconnected from those people…like you’ve gone and left them, or worse, they’ve gone and left you.

*insert sigh here*

This has been a busy week, although there are some things that didn’t seem to feel that okay since last week. You know the feeling? Of course, I may be paranoid and all, but the feeling sucks just the same.

This weekend I’m going to write. Write and write even more. Because I want to lose myself into that writing, to temporarily forget some things that are bothering me. To those who are now worried, don’t. This may be some hormones acting up, we never know (and I hope it is!). And it’s all about perspective, y’know?
Happy weekend everyone. :)

Manic Monday

I. Am. Sleepy.

Okay, not so much, but sleepy and lethargic enough not to want to work today. It could just be the morning thing, and because I didn’t have enough sleep last weekend (stayed up to 3:00am waiting for my brother in Eastwood after the old YFC East A2 oldies reunion where Pinky and I left early thinking my brother would be there early, but he got there late. Sunday, I didn’t take any naps at all because I was busy writing, and I wasn’t sleepy). I feel like I had a long weekend again, probably because I spent most of it awake, and having long weekends make me feel like lazy to go to work by Monday.

I need busier weekends. Weekends where I actually go out and do something instead of hanging out in the house. And the energy and will to do it.

This is also a perfect example of a time when I’d rather be in school. Again, I am craving the familiarity of school. Don’t get me wrong; I’m adjusting quite well with work, but sometimes I wish I was back there in the academe, worrying only about grades and projects and even thesis, and not having to do things that may be life and death of a company you’re working on (okay, or not).

Hay. I wish I could go visit DLSU again soon, but then it’s too far and I’m in the office the whole day and I still have writing to do by the end of the day. So it’s not really possible for now.

Or, I could get this Monday sickness out with a strong dose of caffeine or something. :P

Hay Lord. I also miss my old YFC days. I miss having households to look forward to. I miss going up to the worship place every 6:00pm, and then having dinner with everyone else who were at the worship. I miss sleeping over at Tuesday’s condo, staying up all night talking about things and watching Hillsong videos. I miss having conferences to look forward to, and singing my heart out in worship during those conferences. I miss visiting GK sites. I know SFC is here for me already, but I’m still adjusting, and it’s not like YFC campus based where I can go to the tambayan anytime and talk YFC stuff anytime I want to.

This is a bad case of Monday sickness. Argh. I want to go home. I want to sleep. I think I shall sleep early tonight for a change. I can put off writing just for tonight so I can rest. Right? I am ahead of schedule.

I need to stick by that. :P

Anyway. I have a New Employee Orientation in 13 minutes and the elevator takes a long time going down to the 18th floor. At least that’s a nice way to spend my morning? I think. Haha. Don’t let me be too sleepy there, please.

Lord, give me energy. Enable me.

“Fall Like Rain” sneak peek # 3

Because I felt like posting another one. :)

WORDCOUNT UPDATE: 31,917 out of 50,000 words. :) I’ll finish to 32,000+ by tonight before I sleep. Hopefully by this week I’ll get to 40,000 to 45,000. :) I can do this!

Work again tomorrow. I bet it’s going to be busy this week, so I better put in at least an hour of writing every night to be in the same pace.

Once again: this has gone through minimal editing, so don’t expect anything that stellar. This particular excerpt is taken from Chapter 7, as Rain was welcoming people into the reception of her brother’s wedding. Some revelations start here. :) Click on the Read the rest of the entry link. :)

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