In a day, it’s September. Cliche, yes, but I need to say it for the nth time in this blog: where did time go?
It’s a holiday and I’m at home, enjoying the fact that I don’t have much to do. I think I may need to work later, but no pressure for myself, because it’s a holiday and I can do anything I want to. I am supposed to fix my books and clean my room (sort of)…but guess who isn’t moving right now.
But anyway, like I said, it’s a holiday and I can do anything. Or not do anything. At least, until later.
So I’m trying to remember how I was a year before, and what I was doing at this day. I have a blog entry last year about friends ditching each other, and wow, that’s a sad entry. I guess I was really sad then. And this is like, 27 days before the flood hit, and I was still clueless then. Not that I have a clue now, but I’d like to believe I know better now. Of course I know I’ll say that next year, too (I hope!), so this small realization just tells me that I still hope to get better every year.
I was thinking of hitting the gym today, but I am feeling lazy. Who knew I would say something like that now, when I used to be at the gym all the time last year? Maybe it’s because I know I’ve lost weight, and I know that I don’t need to burn everything in the gym and I can take it easy. Right now, I’d really rather read books so I can make a dent in my reading list, but I also still like to dance, and run. (So maybe I will dance later.) I still like to sweat, because if I don’t, I won’t be able to enjoy stuff like these:
And speaking of reading books, it’s just more awesome to read books when you have friends you can discuss them in detail with. I’ve written about meeting them here, and I’ve been seeing some of them randomly for the past few weeks, and it’s fun meeting them and talking about books, what we like, what to read and everything book-related all day long. Heaven, mehn, heaven. :) Awesome, awesome.
Which reminds me, I owe a few posts about our bookish adventures. We’ve watched a movie, went to a Comicon and a book launch and hung out for so long that my vocal chords are often so tired when I get home that I don’t want to speak (big surprise). It’s a wonder no one has attempted to sell books books to us. Heh.
Ah well. Changes are good. I am honestly afraid of looking at my goal lists for this year because I know I haven’t fulfilled much of them (driving and baking to name a few), but I think…I won’t pressure myself about that too much either. I mean, yeah, important, but it doesn’t mean my life would be ruined if I don’t get them this year, right? Might be inconvenienced…but not ruined.
I may be just sugarcoating things so excuse me. Or maybe I’m just hungry. So excuse me again. It’s a holiday and I’ll write what I want. :P
I think I’ll read, then if I feel like it, I’ll go dance later. If not, I can always dance tomorrow. Everyone have a great (and sunny!) Monday holiday. :)
Before anything else: I think I have a new food addiction.
Awesomely yummy coffee that perks me up. My diet is going to suffer/is suffering, but gosh this coffee is good. And after my realization about caffeine and me, I am consuming more. I don’t know if it’s just me PMS-ing, but coffee really perks me up, so I need one. In a day.
Oh dear.
Did I tell you how much I love the Dark Roast Coffee Jelly Frapp? Ahhh.
* * *
On another note. Today I went to work early to attend to a meeting with one of the big bosses at work. I’ve been blessed enough to be a part of a selected group of employees who get this privilege to meet the leaders of our company, so I’ve “met” a few. And you know what really and truly mystifies me about them right now? Their general disposition. Well, I can’t blame them for being so happy to travel and so seemingly relaxed because I know Filipinos take care of visitors very well. But it seems like their happiness is deeper. I’m not sure if they’re absolutely content with what they have or what they’re doing, but they look so relaxed, so clear-headed and so…cheerful. Whereas I need coffee to be cheerful. I’d imagine people on higher positions would be more stressed than I am, but they’re not. So. Mystifying.
Then again I don’t think you’d reach that position without being stressed at some point. And I don’t think it would be good if they’re still stressing over the little stuff when they’re in that position, right?
So anyway, one of the important things I learned today is this: have a career plan. But more importantly, I should have a life plan. Because a career plan is just for your career and a life plan is for your, well, life. That is your driving force, why you’re doing what you’re doing. And work is just a means to an end.
Which brings me to a deep question that I don’t have an answer just yet (and I have been trying to answer for the longest time!): what is my life plan?
Nope, no concrete answer to that, yet.
Which is probably why I’m in some sort of career crisis right now. Nothing serious, but lately I’ve been asking a question: Where am I heading? What am I doing? Is this still what I want? I love my company, I like my job, but I don’t know if I should still be doing this or if I should be doing something else. Frankly, sometimes I get bored already. And even if there are coming changes in the team, I still wasn’t excited about it. I’m more overwhelmed, actually, and I’m not sure if I even like it.
Which brings me to another thing I learned today: every risk should have enough push and pull before you take it. If there’s too much push and not enough pull, it means I’m running away. If there’s too much pull but not enough push, then maybe I’m being forced to move. It makes sense, right?
Maybe the reason why I am having a career crisis is because I haven’t figured out two important things, which were also brought up earlier: find out what you’re good at that you’ll be known for, and find your successor. If you ask me now, I do know what I’m good at, but I don’t know if it’s something I can use at work, or in my career, you know. I’d like to believe that my skills, or at least the things I know I am good at right now (writing, sort of managing, debugging, sort of project management) are somewhat valuable to my work. I’m just not sure if I could be known for them, if I’m good enough to be known for them.
And the successor thing. That I haven’t done. Am I worthy to have a successor? Perhaps.
I suddenly had this some sort of panic attack earlier this morning, when a scenario flashed in my mind. I can’t really blog about it, but it is related to work, and even if I know I’m heading to that, I’m not sure if I want that now. I don’t know if I’m ready for it, even if I know it’s going to give some excitement to my career. You know those things? Talk about panic, as in I could hardly breathe (it wasn’t the type where I’d need portable oxygen concentrator, but it was kind of scary) and I almost wanted to bury myself somewhere at home and not go anywhere.
Crazy.
I prayed after that panic attack of course (I love it that today’s reflection in My Utmost for His Highest was trusting in Him), and later on at the meeting, I was affirmed again when the boss said: If you worry about something too much, it won’t happen.
Makes sense, right?
It’s kind of a lot of think about now, but I’m really glad I attended that. It was almost like a breath of fresh air, you know?
So at the end of the day, I still don’t know what my life plan is. But I know that I’m not alone. And I am wiser right now than I was this morning. Which is a good thing, right?
I’d write more but I have a storyboard due tomorrow. So I leave you with this. For the first time this week, I am actually cheerful (but that may be just because of the coffee ^^ ).
Hahahaha, Hey Tina wag mo na lang pansinin yang mga yan, bangag pa yan kagabi. Flying cackroach, hhhhmmmnnn. Don’t worry I’ll always bring a baygon for you. hahahahaha. Ako ata ang bangag. ^_^I can’t let this day pass without blogging on this particular date, of course.
So hello, 08.09.10!
I’m typing this while I eat my late, late dinner. This particular Monday is crazy because there just seemed to be so many things to do. Most of which are leftover from last week, which was also a busy week, and still, things come in and I go crazy trying to keep up. I haven’t been in sync for the past two weeks, really, and it’s frustrating because I keep on trying to catch up but I feel like I’m failing. It’s like trying to tear down a metal building with my bare hands. Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but it’s that frustrating.
Ah, stress. I don’t want to complain about you, but I really wish I can catch up. Please don’t make this Monday be like the rest of the week.
On another, more positive note…wait. Okay, there are positive points to this day despite the stress…but unfortunately, they’re kind of unbloggable. ^^; Sorry friends, those are things I’d really rather keep to myself. If you want to know, you know how to reach me. It doesn’t mean I’ll tell you, but you can try. :)
Ah well. I should get back to eating so I can finish whatever I can finish today. By God’s grace, I will conquer this. Amen.
One more thing.
Happy birthday Marvs! :)
So. The Rexona Run was my secnd 10k run, and I wanted to be ready. My brother, his girlfriend and I registered early and I have been training for it for it ever since we registered. I know I can run 10k, but I wanted to at least try beat my personal record of 1:17:16.
Thing is, about two weeks before the run, I had a bout of asthma. Wait, change that — not a simple bout, but an almost week-long asthma that I wasn’t sure if I would be able to run properly. I couldn’t even try to run on the treadmill without running after my breath. Ahh it was so frustrating.
But still. The run was actually…good.
So! In bullets!
- For the first time, we were actually early for the race. We arrived at the MOA grounds just before the 21k runners left, so there was plenty of time to warm up and prepare for our gun start.
- I noticed that there were more 10k runners this time. I figure those who started out with 5k are now running 10k now, like me.
- My Nike+ didn’t start properly as the race started, so there the data is kind of inaccurate. I think I need to calibrate it once again. The time is 2 minutes off, but I ran farther? Unless it’s really not 10k? Or something. I like how my graph looked, though:
- If you’re wondering why that’s so squiggly, I decided to follow my brother’s strategy: to just run at a certain pace and slow down every now and then, but not really slow down. I have a feeling that every time the graph dips it’s a water station. I slow down there because (1) I don’t want to slip and (2) I had to get a drink. By the fourth water station though, I had to skip it because I felt that I needed to pee. And we know what happens when I run and I need to pee. :o It’s a good thing I skipped because the only portalets were at the end of the race.
- Longest last stretch ever. When I saw the last 1km mark, I was excited and I thought I could run the entire kilometer already. But when I turned to the street, I realized that the finish line was so far away! :( I only ran again after there was about 200 meters left, after a college friend called out my name.
- I love the quotes at each marker — funny and inspiring at the same time. I think this post summarizes that well.
- But I have the most unglamorous running shots. I should learn how to project when it comes to running photos. This may be the best shot I have among the photos:
Well look who loves running.
- Official time: 1:15:12. That’s two minutes off my first 10k, friend. I just broke my personal record (and raised my muscle mass without noxycut — I haven’t been lifting weights, but my muscles went up after the run).
One last, but I won’t put it in bullets: I just found the best running play list ever, at least for me. I discovered it one time while I was running on the treadmill. Break Free by Hillsong United played, I suddenly felt energized. It’s been a while since I last listened to them, and I realized that if there was any song that I needed to listen to when I run, it’s got to be about the One who’s made me run. The One who made this body to run. Who am I running for, anyway?
I think that was what made this race better than the previous one: I spent almost the entire run in prayer. The songs helped, and I even broke into song every now and then while I was running. There was this lightness in my heart, a voice inside me that tells me I can do it, and tells me that He is pleased with me. It was almost like a mountain-top experience, and I loved that I got to talk to God for almost a whole hour. Running can be a spiritual experience, and I proved that during the last run.
So will I run again? Of course. I’m planning to just keep doing 10k (and maybe 15k once) for the rest of the year and then maybe, maybe break into 21k by next year. I just need to make sure I’m conditioned for that length.
Yeah, I will keep running this race, these races. Thank You Lord for giving me running so I can see Your glory. :)
